Well I have tried to make this post on many occasions but the words will just not come. So much I need to say but my thoughts are like a whirlwind within my head. I will try my best to summarize what is going on.
Situation with kids--- The kids legal issue is over and it was a very exhausting legal battle. The sixteen year old kid only received 7 days in juvenile detention, 200 hours of community service and he is in a treatment program for 2 years. He also registers as a sex offender. The kids received a restraining order for their lifetime from this jerk. I am struggling with how do you forgive a person who hurts your children. I just don't know if I am capable of that depth of forgiveness. Do you forgive someone for this? for changing your children's lives forever? the fear that they face and the insecurity that they feel everyday. It has changed me as a mother I don't remember how to relax. It is exhausting. My life is a constant whirlwind of emotions that are unable to be processed because I have to keep going!
Situation with Aaron-- Well the wonderful judge did not seem to like us in court a few weeks ago. She felt that if I was dumb enough to not see that my husband was cheating on me than I might be dumb enough to miss something with my own kids. She Asked what type of women would stay with a man after an affair. She clearly did not agree with my decision and said Aaron Could not come Home As of April 13 2011 it doesn't matter what she thinks my husband is coming home. Back to counting the days.
Situation with me--I am so overwhelmed and depressed it scares me at times. My faith in God is truely shaken to the core right now I know all the things to tell myself God didn't want this to happen to my family but I struggle with God could have stopped this happening to my family and that is where I feel abandon by God. I know I shouldn't but I do.
So that sums up where I am at in my life right now. I am going to try to blog more it really helps me in venting my frustration. I realize that probably no one reads my blog which is totatly fine but if you do please don't just judge me I am trying to be real here and work thinks out in my head.
Thanks
