Can I have my wings yet?

When Aaron left I felt as if God had forgotten all about me. I asked God to show me if he still there. I looked out my window and saw four or five butterflies flying around. During the last 38 months Every time I see a butterfly I remember that God still cares for me. It has been a very long time that I have had to carry this burden of my husband being gone and being a single mother. there were days i felt I couldn't take one more day and then I would see a butterfly. IT was as if God was saying you can do it.

I have thought a lot about my situation and how similar it is to a butterfly. The caterpillar is enjoying life and crawling around like all is well. Then one day it is stopped and it is trapped inside this cocoon. I was enjoying my life and then it was all stopped and I was trapped in this cocoon of my marriage that was troulbed and my husband was going to be in Prison. I could have fought this cocoon but God knows what we needed. the caterpillar undergoes a life altering change but emerges this beautiful Butterfly. I have been in my Cocoon for almost four years now and the time is coming that i get to break out of my cocoon. My questions have I learned everything in my life altering trial? there were times I felt sufficated and wondered if I would survive but here we are almost at the end of this journey. I get nervous just thinking about all the changes we have under gone. Amazing!

When life seems out of control the little things matter.

I have a candle light and soft piano music playing you would think I would relax. My life seems to be in a constant whirlwind. I long for a simple life but it is to no avail. My life is crazy and dramatic. No one would believe all the things that happen to me.

God must really trust me because He sure gives me a lot to handle. Yesterday was a day that we had waited for almost 3 years. My husbands CCO (community custody officer) came to our house. Due to some language on Aaron's sentencing we were unsure if he would be allowed to return home to me and the kids. I t has been this dark cloud hanging over our heads will he ever come home. In My mind Will I ever get my family back?? I need my own space. I love my in laws but soon I want my own house. When our CCO came out I had scrubbed the entire house out of pure frustration. My father in law and I prayed that she would see the type of family we are and let Aaron come home to us. It was truly amazing how little time she spent with us. She was in and out and Gave the best news I have had in a long time. She doesn't see any reason that my husband can't come home to his family. We are not done with the approval process but this was the first hurdle and a large one. We just need a few more miracles to make it a reality. Only 51 more days and my husband will be home.

How many times can your heart break??